Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships (new link)
Cult Awareness and Information Library (new link)
What Doesn't Kill You (Sing it out and dance. You have power!)
I Will Survive (Makes you want to lift your chin, go Gloria!)
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover (There must be at least that many ways.)
With Arms Wide Open (Tears of joy. Embrace your new life.)
If you feel like lashing out, play the song So What by Pink and dance to it instead. The exercise will release the tension better than a fight--and its safer. (Some explicit language. But Miss Pink does have attitude.)
Happiness (The video is campy, strange, weird, definitely different, but it makes me smile and sometimes laugh out loud. Makes me want to hop around like a rabbit. See how it affects you.)
I'm Still Standing (Elton is such a hoot!)
In the beginning of a relationship, be it in business or your personal life, you should never lose site of yourself--your wants, your needs, and your desires--but many of us do. Because we are taught that women are the nurturers, the peacekeepers, and the helpmates, we can fall into the trap of fulfilling the needs of others at the expense of our own. This can be in a work, family, or social situation. We want to make the other person proud, happy, or satisfied so we set aside ourselves to achieve those goals. Self sacrifice may be noble from a poetic perspective, but as a daily habit it can drain the life right out of you.
Relationships are complicated and that is an understatement. Any kind of relationship requires attention and work to establish, expand, or maintain. As soon as one individual in the relationship stops paying attention and working within it, the relationship can deteriorate and become one sided. To be clear, it can't be all about you or all about the other person. There must be mutual benefit or fulfillment. Every relationship involves give and take and some meeting in the middle. However, if you find yourself the one who must always submit to the wants, needs, and desires of the other person, there is no benefit to you in this submission, and you are unhappy or even miserable, you must choose to evoke a change or accept and live with the situation as it exists.
The choice for change can take the form of a different approach, a different job, a move, a break up, or simply a declaration of where you stand and where you will be going if things don't change. These can all be scary prospects because we know the "devil we have" and we are nervous about trading for the "devil we don't know." This is a reference to the idiom that translates as "better to deal with what you know than take a risk on what you don't." Only you can decide if you are willing to continue with the "devil you know" or take the risk of making a change. You may end up with another 'devil,' or you could be embraced by an 'angel.'
If you feel a change is required, First, get it in your head that change is not necessarily a bad thing. Change can be good and is sometimes essential. Then you must decide how you want to compel the change. We strongly recommend you explore the online presentations Understanding Change, Challenging Fear, and Managing Conflict, as you are considering your approach. It is also a good idea to take some time to think through the other person or persons' perspectives, personalities, and positions so you are prepared to deal with objections, reactions, and potential fallout. Build your plan A, but have a backup plan B, just in case things don't work out the way you think they will.
Break ups can be painful and filled with
emotion. However, you should never allow what you feel as loss to consume
you. Yes, take a day or two for grief, if you need it. But then get your
head wrapped around the fact that you have just been given a gift--the
opportunity to return to yourself or recreate yourself. You can be alone
without being lonely, if you recognize that you have power, control, and
choice. Learning to enjoy your own company is something to strive for. In
the end we are all left with ourselves.